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| luke 18:18,19
18A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
19"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. | | |
| fuck
oops
fuck
screwed it up once...
twice...
thrice...
all it takes is four nails to hold a coffin shut
(i'm just kidding... pretty sure i need 2 screw up a few more times... i got my work cut out for me)
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| i sometimes wonder if i have more music in my veins than red blood cells.
lately i've been listening to a lot of music that i used to be hugely into when i was 15-17... some are bands i still love, some are bands i don't like anymore. but all are albums i haven't listened to in a long while, and every single one has been angry. its interesting to listen to these songs and try to remember who it was that i would think of when i heard each song. the other day i heard one song by linkin park and i couldn't think of who it was that made me so angry when i was younger, then it hit me: God.
strange thing is though... for the most part, my attitudes haven't changed. thats kinda sad.
listened to "a flat" by staind the other day. hadn't heard it in years... but driving back home that night, i was screaming at the top of my lungs "i'm not okay"
what is it about music that is so timeless and cuts to your core in ways that almost no one can?
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| he hates to sleep on his back... matter of fact he despises it. to sleep on his side is occasionally bearable but usually uncomfortable. if you were to walk in his room every morning for a month, he would be sleeping on his chest 29/30 times. its just the way he is.
its sad now though. he hasn't slept on his chest for nearly half a week. he's exhausted and feels drained beyond belief, but he can't stop. he won't stop. when he sleeps on his back she will sleep on his chest, if he sleeps on his side he can wrap his arms around her. he can feel her body move with every breath and he can hold her tight, praying the sun won't rise to take her away.
he can't sleep anymore, because to do so he would have to let her go. instead he lays there every night, watching her sleep and holding her close. his hands don't stop moving, he runs his fingers down her side trying to memorize every inch of her. he doesn't want to ever forget her, he'll miss her when she's gone but at least he'll remember how she felt.
if he just let go of her, he could roll over on his chest and sleep like a baby. but whether he sleeps or not, he'll still dream... in sleep and in wake he dreams of something he cannot have in the light. he holds her in his arms and for that moment of darkness, she is his.
the sun will rise quite soon now. he can see the faint light beginning to creep through his little window. soon she'll be gone, but he can't let go. he clings to the shadows and memories that will soon fade away.
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| you know, at the time... i knew it was stupid. i knew it would screw things up. but i somehow convinced myself that doing so would somehow make things better. or at least i hoped it would. i tried to have my cake and eat it too... which is a really weird saying that doesn't really make sense. but anyways. i am now in such a bad position... i really don't know what i could do to get out of it. or should i even try?
why is it the things i want are never the things i think i should have?
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